Hey Besties! πβ¨ Ever had a moment where your brain feels like a potato trying to run TikTok? π₯π± (RIP my 2019 attempt at viral dances π) WELL. TODAY. My coffee did THIS:
βBrain.exe has stopped working. Restart with COFFEE?β β YES
Coffee isnβt just beansβitβs liquid neuroscience! π When you sip? Adenosine (the boring sleep hormone) gets yeeted into the sun π like a bad LinkedIn post. Result: Your neurons do the cha-cha slide ππΊ while whispering βI remember my coworkerβs name!β
Before Coffee | After Coffee |
---|---|
Forgets lunch | Eats lunch AND remembers it exists |
3/10 focus | 17.3x productivity (source: my cousinβs Fitbit) |
βMehβ | βI could run a Fortune 500 company (if it sold oat milk lattes)β πΌ |
Donβt drink it. Marinate in it. π Stare into the mug like itβs your soulmate. Whisper: βYouβre the main character, Karen.β (Yes, Karen. Weβre reclaiming it. β) This isnβt caffeineβitβs a TED Talk in a to-go cup. π€
If coffee turns me (who once Googled βhow to open a doorβ) into a productivity wizard π§ββοΈβ¦ imagine what it does for YOU! Suddenly:
Coffee = brain glitter + liquid courage + proof aliens gifted us magic beans π½βοΈ
GO. DRINK. ONE. (Your future selfβwho definitely flossedβsends hugs.) π€
π YOUR TURN!
Drop your coffee βhackβ below! (If you said βcold brewβ, youβre basicβ¦ but hey, we stan effort. π)
#NeuroscienceForTheWin #AdultingIsHardButCoffeeIsHarder #ThisPostTookMe3Minutes #DigitalDetoxButMakeItSpicy #SubstackNotesAreMyLoveLanguage
P.S. I wrote this while my coffee cooled. Irony? Or proof Iβm evolving? π€
P.P.S. Put your phone down now. (Then come back and clap 50x. You know you want to. πππ)
P.P.P.S. If you read this far, youβre my spirit animal. π¦ Letβs be friends IRL. (Terms & conditions: must share coffee.) βοΈ
3 August 2025